I am not exactly sure what to do with the first, so I suppose I will go back to the first or beginning of my discovery of the Darkness inside.
I grew up in a setting that didn’t allow for much….exploration. I come from a family that is in the public eye and given the small town setting I was raised in, I knew most everyone and everyone knew me. I was a typical teen male growing up in the late 90’s and early 00’s. I did some exploration on the internet, and figured other stuff out as I went. But there was always something not quite “right”. Then one day I saw a posed picture of a girl struggling over a guy’s, presumably her boyfriend, knee with her pants and panties pulled down and he was clearly spanking her. Cue physical reaction. But this cannot be right. Pictures of hot women in next to nothing, yes. This, this wasn’t natural and was “sick” but I liked it. So began my underground shaming and the beginning of the chaining of the puppy darkness inside me.
After I left my parents house I was sneaking peeks at spanko stuff when I could and when I went to college I managed to discover that there was a group, an almost family into ttwd, but even in that moment while I enjoyed the concept of T/b and Spanker/spankee, it still felt like while close there was still a part of me that was missing.
Then a light was illuminated when I got the chance to engage in some play and discovered that I wasn’t a mere scene spanko, though I believe it is a good place for people to be if its what suits them, but I was someone who had the Wolf inside me. The Darkness has aspects of Wolf, and some days it is more prevalent than others. I discovered through interactions and experiences that I am sure at some point I will share here, that I was a Dominant persona. This discovery opened doors and provided a fenced area that I can allow the Darkness inside to roam at times. There are instances where he even appears wearing some kind of cute getup to disguise his true nature, but to send a hint of his presence in my daily life whether professional or personal.
In the beginning there was spanking, and it was good. Then there was discovery and illumination into Dominance, and it is sublime. Let there be light.