To the victors go the…

There is something about trials that really brings the dark beast out of me. Unfortunately, I put so much emotional energy and Dominant energy into trial presentation that it isn’t unusual for me to be drained of energy and seek sweetness’ submission through simply playing with my hair or rubbing my back. That is if I get home before she and the little man go to bed at all. Last night was a night where I left early with work to do so I could see her before bed.

Well today, due to some issues in the State’s case, the case of my client went to the jury who spent all of 15 minutes deciding what I had said about the case being bogus was true and releasing my client.

So now, texts have flown to sweetness a small sample follows:

DJ: Verdict is in, headed up now

sw: very cool, love you Mister

DJ: NG (Not Guilty)


DJ: Celebration at my place 😉

sw: lol, i live where you live Mister, kinda hard for me to miss it

DJ: Also hard when you will be in your cuffs from the moment you get home, already made arrangements for the little man. Tonight you are Mine and I intend to fully enjoy what’s Mine.

sw: *blushes* yes Sir

Yes my friends, to the victors, go the submissives. (Not at all to say if I had lost I wouldn’t have had my way, but there is just something about dominating an opponent that lends to bedroom Domination as well.)




Good idea, bad idea Part of the Loving a Lawyer Series

When I was growing up I enjoyed a show called Animaniacs, this show included smaller sub-cartoons. One of these featured a comical look at a non-descript man doing something with the good idea being a normal activity, and the bad idea normally being something absurd and causing this man pain of some kind. The collected works for those interested can be found here.

With that in mind I now present my own version that played out this morning


Stating to your lawyer first thing that you are concerned about the views he has made public on social media and that the posts made you feel uncomfortable.



Coming down and ambushing your lawyer with a verbal assault. As lawyers, we are trained to win arguments. EVERY ARGUMENT. The flight in our fight or flight response is suppressed if not eliminated when it comes to verbal or mental attacks. It is a re-learned behavior for us to learn to fight fair when we engage our loved ones in disputes outside of our professional lives. We are trained as lawyers to find the weaknesses in our opponent and attack those while trying to fluster or push the buttons of the opposing side. Presumably if you have a spouse you know where the buttons are, the red, the green, the nuclear meltdown. Attacking a lawyer who isn’t expecting a confontation creates a problem for the lawyer. No matter how good we are about fighting fair, we normally have a chance to prepare for the spousal non-professional fights. When we are confronted unexpectedly, we fight, and fight, and fight, until whatever challenged us is lying disemboweled before us on the floor, if only in imaginary form.

So remember, we as lawyers are working hard to try to be fair fighters when we have disputes in our private lives, it is hard for us to avoid pulling out all the barbs and daggers, it sometimes takes us a little time to shut the door to the armory of buttons, so approach us and express in as de-escalated a manner as possible a desire to discuss or confront an issue. Especially when we are preparing for the day, a difficult hearing, a trial, or something that will already have us with sharpened spears at hand.

A little less action a little more conversation baby- A loving your lawyer series

Yes, yes all you Elvis die hards, it is in fact a little less conversation, a little more action. But with us in the legal field, the opposite is the cry most often on the minds of our spouses and loved ones.

It is a fact that sometimes in strong marriages, one spouse just wants to sound out the other spouse. They may want advice, they may want a sympathetic ear, they may just want to hear aloud what they are thinking about.

Those who are blessed with lawyers, are blessed with someone who through three years of education and training along with however many years of practical application are fully formed efficient problem solving machines. We have learned to hear a problem, and then not just solve that problem, but to execute the fix as fully and time efficiently as possible. Your just wanting to talk be damned, we are going to fix the thing that we believe ails you.

My sweetness is a Disney nerd, and in the movie “Finding Nemo” there is a little crustacean who is driven to clean. An example is here. I too am like that with my sweetness, she tells me something that is bothering her and then ducks because my first inclination is to fix the problem for her with explicit directions for the things that I cannot do myself. But sometimes, she doesn’t want that, sometimes she needs to just let things be messy while she sorts another issue out. And in those moments I sometimes once I realize I am forcing her into a fix feel like this clip.

Now then, add in the inclinations of a Dominant personality, something that honestly most good attorneys have, and you have a perfect storm of a problem solver who cannot wait to put on the Superman cape and just fix.

So how does one approach this situation so that the attorney spouse isn’t put out, but also in a way that the non-attorney spouse feels their actual needs are met? I have found that if sweetness couches the issues by asking if I will listen to something so she can run it by me, that while I am internally making lists, charts, graphs, battle plans, drafting a militia, and already conquering her world, that I am able to sit and follow along until she is done. Then I inquire if she wishes to hear my thoughts. Sometimes sweetness does, and sometimes she indicates she would prefer to figure things out herself but thanks me for allowing her to vocalize the issue and that it helped to do so.

We attorneys are an intense breed, but with a little love and understanding of how we operate under the hood we aren’t that much different from humans.

Emerging from absence

Gone I have been, for far too long.

It wouldn’t be prudent to indicate all the many things that interjected into my posting here. All I can say is that I will try to get back to providing more regular postings and the like.

Be not afraid, I and sweetness haven’t hit a rough patch and while we are running busy, busy, busy, my little warrior submissive and I are going strong.

A shout-out to a new follower who has become active in my absence, shimmering rose.