As I sit here writing this and imbibe in my morning coffee I am currently wearing an older grey suit whose right sleeve is a tad tattered. The material feels nice against the touch and the weight is appropriate for the weather, but this morning when I was at the local jail before coming to my office a new client motioned to my sleeve. “Don’t you lawyers make oodles of dough?”
That’s a thought that many people have I suspect. The stereotype is that I because of my job am rolling in money. Truth is that I have a lucrative job and case load, but at the very essence when people ask what I do, I am a public defender and the state pays me very little for the work I do. Where I practice the cap amount, or the highest amount they will pay me, for a case that carries a life sentence is $5,000. My hourly wage is good at $50 an hour but pales to the comparable $150-275+ my colleagues in private practice obtain plus the timekeeping for public defense billing is tedious and requires almost constant carrying of a notebook that if I was to be searched would look oddly like a bookkeeper’s notebook with notes and names and times scratched in.
But that isn’t what this article is actually all about. I realize as I sit here I am a part of the stereotype that the media has created of what a Dominant is, and then there are parts of me that break that stereotype. I would love if I asked someone who is not a practicing member of our lifestyle community to describe a Dominant that they wouldn’t paint the picture of a Christian Grey or someone else who rivals the financial means of Bruce Wayne. I realize I have a leg up because I am in a field where it is perceived as authoritative, white collar with a required advanced degree and at least some semblance of reverence to it. But it would be just as easy for my friend (Actual friend) the garbage guy or the guys working at the factory on the line to be a Dominant in their spare time. The costume we put on before work shouldn’t dictate our perception of the core of the person.
When I am in court and to those who have seen me in that environment it would likely be easier to perceive my true nature. Just as I enjoy the sweet agony I inflict on sweetness in all senses of the word, I likewise enjoy inflicting some mind fornication in my professional dungeon. But to those who just know me from having a will done, or getting advice at the legal clinic, I am just “a sweet young man who reminds me of your grandfather”. Now that’s not to say those thoughts aren’t earned given the number of pro bono hours a week I give, the chats I share with older and hospice clients whose houses I go to at all hours to make sure their final wishes are documented, BUT behind the baby face and unassuming small town boy charm is a killer.
I further notice that there is a stereotype of the submissive female as well. In this stereotype the submissive is in some way defective but puts forward a great front to everyone except the Dominant. While I find the refutation of this stereotype tough given my history of “project” submissives, I do know a lot of submissives, some of whom are likely reading this blog, who are strong and empowered women who likely initially resisted the draw of the lifestyle and some who didn’t, there are likely executive level and professional level submissives, and not all I am sure have this earth shattering trauma in their past. We all have skeletons, and we all have little dents in our armor, but I think the concept of a helpless submissive who couldn’t possibly survive to the last page isn’t right either. None of the women I have been involved with as a Dominant or in a Dominant type role platonic or otherwise were on the verge of spontaneous combustion. Some were closer to the powder keg than others, but mostly they just had areas that could be improved to better their life and enjoyment thereof.
So here is to breaking stereotypes, here is to giving people a quality opportunity to display their true colors. To look beyond the costume of employment they wear out of necessity, and to examine the true colors that bear out after examination.
And out of my morbid curiosity, if you don’t mind sharing I would like to know what costumes the Dominants of my readers or my Dominant readers wear and your interpretation and honest evaluation of whether you consider stereotypes in the lifestyle. I think it is human nature to do so, but I wonder if it cannot and should not be overcome.
Warm day and thoughts all.