Calming the storm

sweetness and I are in the process of selling our home of the last few years. We are in contract on a new place of residence pending sale of our home. The process has been ongoing for 4 weeks as of tomorrow. And to say that it has been stressful would be an understatement. On top of this there have been a number of stressors that have piled on sweetness and this weekend it boiled over.

To set the stage more properly, the little man was off at a grandparent’s residence and we had intended to do some cleaning to keep the house show ready and also enjoy some us child free time. We saw a movie we had wanted to see and then got some rough news regarding a possible buyer. And the crap hit the fan, sweetness began to shut down, and as a result her observance of our dynamic and roles began to disintegrate as well.

While it isn’t the easiest to get sweetness into position for a punishment spanking, the hardest thing to do is to convince her when she gets to this place to allow me to assume control and let her Mister give her a cathartic session over my knee. I almost never use an implement, and honestly wouldn’t have to even if I planned to use one. And sometimes slowly sometimes quickly, I chisel away at the damn that is overflowing and threatening to destructively burst and I relieve the pressure. The waterworks come, I sometimes have struggle, I sometimes have anger, grief, pain, anguish, there are a number of emotions that I deal with when I am in the process of relieving sweetness of the burden that is placed upon her.

This weekend was no different, it was slow, and her rear was definitely sore, red, and hot at the completion as she lay limp and sobbing across my knee before I scooped her into a small fetal ball on my lap and held her as I rubbed her back and played with her hair. Her face buried deep into my t-shirt and slowly dissipating her sobs.

There was no kinky fuckery this weekend, but there was a reset and honestly I think we are both better off than had we just pretended all was good and had our session per plan.

 

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Who’s the boss

“Let me talk to the boss” “The boss gets home in a bit and I want to talk with her first” These expressions seem slightly out of place when spoke by me and referring to sweetness given our being D/s with the exception of child rearing, 24/7. And I know it is part of why people would be shocked if they knew she submitted to me to the extent of kneeling, saying Mister, etc.

While this is the dynamic we practice, I sometimes feel it is natural to say those things to people. And as I reflected on that this week after using those phrases a lot I realized there are two main reasons for my feeling completely natural saying it.

  1. I love keeping sweetness involved in the business that is our life together. Anything that happens I want her to be completely apprised. This is prudent given that there are people that sometimes make threats to my safety, and just the fact that life can happen to anyone and God forbid I am incapacitated and unable to fill her in. I am sweetness’ Husband and Dom, but she is also my partner and I want to make sure she is well cared for if something occurs to me and isn’t drowning in uncertainty about the most important of her affairs.
  2. And more importantly it helps to take the pressure off of a situation when I want the chance to mull it over. I make a living on split second decisions, and honestly I am rather good on thinking fast on my feet, but I am still an extremely cerebral person. I prefer the chance to dig into a decision and consider the world and universe in doing so. I think fast on my feet because I prepare like no person’s business and thus I can fit mulling into the pre-issue and spit it out on the quick. But I prefer to reflect and honestly there have been many times when I have used sweetness kneeling in front of me at my feet curled around my legs as a sounding board and confidant as I mulled over some of the more important affairs I/we have handled.

Please understand, sweetness is an incredibly intelligent being and outside our home she is running the ship of her office. In a little over a year she has gone from low man to telling those with advanced degrees what to do and where to be. Her opinion is overly respected by me and at times she convinces me to rethink decisions. Because while I may “Check with the boss”, I know at the end of the day the call is mine and that sweetness will respect that decision as she respects me as her Mister.

As you can plainly tell there was no real rhyme or reason to this post, just some mental meanderings I wished to capture in print. Salut friends and have a great weekend.

Reawakening

Being in the line of work that I am in, and with my professional skills being those that are in high demand by groups and organizations who seek out volunteers it is at times challenging for there to be a constant regarding my embracing my true self. I have to keep Him caged aside from the professional outlets that occasion themselves enough that He is able to stretch and get some exercise, but there is always the leash and control that must be exercised. He cannot just be set loose and free to explore and run. He had become dormant. And by that I mean there wasn’t a spark there when something that would have previously triggered Him.

I am not sure what it was that re-sparked this, is it just that I have cycled around to it. Is it a subconscious thing? Is it the situation with Dakota? And if it is, how do I put the separations in place that are needed to avoid my falling down the rabbit hole that I did with lo that led to extreme issues not all that long ago?

I maintain that the perfect occupation for me would be as a spanking therapist. A happy middle of the road between my innate Dominance and my desire to be a mentor Dom when I am in practice. It truly isn’t a sexual thing at all times with me, yes with sweetness it is very much a sexually charged D/s thing. I want to make her squirm sexually, beg for release and eventually take my cum where I elect to give it to her. The sight of her in ropes, cuffs, etc gets me hard, and yes the idea of reddening her squirming rear as she moans is about as exciting a thing as I can imagine. Aside from that though, aside from her, being a Dom has never been about sex to me. It’s about helping to get the young women I have taken the mantle of “Big Bro” with to be the best that they can be and overcome whatever it is that they struggle with. It’s ranged from not wanting to “adult” because it would require responsibility and thus sacrificing the comfort of being expected to screw around and not get things done, it could be a prior absence of strong male presence that could bre relied upon, it could be a struggle to release the pressure and expectations from an occupation that is so stressful and demanding in the leadership that is expected of the person, and now, most recently it is a young woman who wants to be the “adult” and carry the load for a young man that she “loves” but in all reality is immature and selfish in himself and his actions have led to a legally enforced timeout at the local pen. As a result this young woman has sacrificed self care and has even considered engaging in behaviors that otherwise she never would and ones that I would honestly seek permission from sweetness to take her to task and redden her ass if she actually ever did them. This young woman is a lot like my sweetness in that anxiety has a cruel grasp at times and when it grabs on it doesn’t release easily and sometimes must be struggled out of her.

I am not sure what help I will prove to be to her, what I can justifiably do without sacrificing time that is rightfully sweetness and the Captain’s, but this is again a little sister who is lost and adrift and honestly I wish I could force a breakup which would free her from some confines and set her with another person who would be able to meet the responsibilities that I have seemed to have taken on with her.

In any case, I have found myself being heightened in terms of Him being observed and lurking in my mind, front and center. The cage I keep Him in when not in use is seeming to weaken and eventually he may slip out. I just hope I haven’t forgotten the verbal commands for internal use to keep Him in check when He is released.

 

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Surviving the stint: The Beginning

The following is a work of fiction, loosely related to something that has taken up in the reality that I exist within. It is meant as a form of venting and catharsis, but if it has meaning otherwise to you by all means I hope you enjoy/get something from it.

“What are you doing?!?!”

As I look up from my phone I see the intense blue of my wife’s eyes before I cooly explain that Dakota is messaging me and having a bad night.

“Well tell her to pull on her adult pants and deal or make the right decision and leave his perverted ass”

I suppose I should back up a little as you are probably wondering who, what, and why?

Dakota is a friend of my wife’s much younger sister, 19 to my wife and I being in our early 30’s. Dakota just prior to graduating from high school began dating Brady, a 25 year old father of three small children who was embroiled in about as intense a child custody fight as possible with his ex and his ex’s family. Dakota, like my wife and I has an exceedingly young look to her and honestly not knowing differently I could easily guess her to be approximately 14-15 years old. Tiny and petite but developed in a way that leaves her a mix of boyish and feminine.

Brady, who works in a “career” as a cable installer, for his part sought me out the previous Summer when there appeared to be a brewing custody fight and indicated that there may be further issues. I provided a friends and family price for my involvements but it was indicated that a boss of Brady’s was enamored by an attorney who while incompetent puts on a good show, but honestly cannot compete when there is a requirement of litigation. She is pleased enough to flex and talk and then kindly walk clients to convictions.

As it turns out a little further issues was a multi-count indictment for various sex offenses all involving a minor child who I had come to learn represented herself as 21 when in reality she was just 14. A look at the individuals social media accounts did lend credence to her appearing to be 21, sadly our state has a very strict law regarding involvement with minor children and their being photographed and as a result this paid for attorney had assisted Brady in landing a four year stint in prison, shaken hands with Dakota and disappeared with no return phone calls.

Enter me, Dakota had become entirely dependent on Brady and as a result with his being taken into custody following sentencing she had begun to fall apart. This little girl had injected herself into a “fairy tale” only to realize it was instead an adult situation and she would be encountering adult things very very very quickly. Bills were piling up, she was upset not seeing or hearing from Brady (our state requires a mandatory silent period when prisoners first reach their sorting/intake site so that the inmates can focus on their being processed), and in general struggling to as my wife puts it “adult”.

I looked back at my wife and indicated that I felt she was correct in her feelings and honestly if it were up to me that Dakota would dump Brady and would find a way to move forward with her life rather than waiting like an abandoned puppy for his release which could be almost four years in the making, or as my wife pointed out, a college degree worth of time. That said it was not up to us. Then taking a moment to reflect on the most recent of details shared with us I slowly stated. “Or at least not yet”

Seeing my wife’s blue eyes morph from an intense steel colored stare to a duller blue-grey puzzlement I indicated that Dakota was already immensely behind on bills and struggling with funds. We having recently moved into a new residence with a portion of rooms off to the side above the garage but within the house itself had space and I proposed that we offer to allow her to reside here temporarily until there is more of a determination about the outcome of Brady’s imprisonment and the length of his stay.

An invitation for dinner was extended and accepted, and it was at the dinner table where we broached the topic and staged our intervention. It was admitted that Dakota wasn’t eating right, she wasn’t hydrating, and was attempting to avoid dreams by not sleeping but instead binging on television and Netflix shows that she and Brady would watch together. My wife being the longer presence in her life got to play the part of the good cop while I got to sit and stare holes into her with my lawyer stare. I had intentionally stayed in my suit which I am told automatically ups the intimidation that already exists given my 6’4″ 225 pound frame. My wife indicated that to help ease the financial burden we were willing to offer her a room as well as board in exchange for some housework. This would allow her to focus her financial assets into paying on bills and focusing on herself instead of working multiple jobs in an attempt to avoid “letting Brady down”.

“This sounds so great, please and thanks” Dakota beamed as she almost seemed to bounce with excitement in her chair.

The smiles were short lived as I stood and spoke. I advised that the “catch” for this kindness is based upon the reason for the kindness. That we believed she was failing at properly caring for herself in the manner that an adult would and as a result she would reside with us in a fashion that was befitting of that behavior. In short she would be reverting to living under someone acting in loco parentis’ roof and would have to earn the “adult” life and privileges back. As I saw the list of questions forming in her head I drew, almost on cue, from my pocket the agreement that I had drafted and prepared for this very situation. It was slid across the table with a pen and much to her credit Dakota began to carefully read the document. I saw her making notes and became glad it was saved in template form on the computer in my office.

Her brows furrowed and she peeked a glance at me before returning to her review of the document. She sighed and blew out her breath slowly before sliding the document back across the table to me and indicating that she would require some revisions before she would sign. She indicated that she would not agree to outright removal of Brady from her life until his release, that she was not in agreement with all of the sanctions being used as indicated in the document, and that if she was paying for her phone she shouldn’t be made to forfeit it at any time especially as she needed it for contact purposes.

To make a long story, well its going to be a long story anyway but to try to maximize the quality of the story it should be said that there was discussion and indications of compromise and the absolute limits that were presented by both sides and it was finalized that while Brady would not be removed straight out that he would be treated as if he was the boyfriend he is to her new place in our home and thus restriction was subject to her meeting expectations, that we would in addition to room and board provide for her phone, but that it too was subject to restriction. It was agreed that “Mom” and “Dad” even in jest monikers were not to be used, and that unless there was a situation involving expectations or rules not being met or followed that she would refer to us by name, otherwise it was Sir or Ma’am.

In essence Dakota would become a teen daughter to my wife and I. This wasn’t unusual as we had essentially raised my wife’s sister from afar so the idea of a teen daughter wasn’t foreign. She would have a room and the level of privacy expected to be given to a teen daughter, but she would also be expected to meet requirements that she eat healthy, drink plenty of water, and get a set amount of sleep with the provision that until she re-calibrated her internal clock that there would be a lights out and bedtime. Just as one would expect of a household with a teen living there the sanctions were what one would anticipate. There was restrictions from various things including the internet and phone, there were also sanctions that would only be implemented if the above failed to catch her attention and seemed more juvenile in her mind, but any defensiveness was dissipated by the reminder that if she did what she needed to then she had no worry about their implementation.

The contract was signed, I drove Dakota back to her place and allowed her time to secure her things and the residence before driving her back to our house and allowing her time to get settled into her room. After a while I went to check on her and let her know that dinner was ready, as I poked my head in the door it hit me that yes, this young woman had experienced a lot of life’s ugliness when she was with Brady, and yes she was in all legal respects and adult who would be soon turning 20, but she was still very much a little teen girl with her decorations and the stuffed animals she had brought and the picture of the “heart throb” boyfriend sitting on the end table.

This new reality would be an adjustment, but I was fairly confident that it would be something we could survive and get through., even if there were some bumps in the road along the way.

To the victors go the…

There is something about trials that really brings the dark beast out of me. Unfortunately, I put so much emotional energy and Dominant energy into trial presentation that it isn’t unusual for me to be drained of energy and seek sweetness’ submission through simply playing with my hair or rubbing my back. That is if I get home before she and the little man go to bed at all. Last night was a night where I left early with work to do so I could see her before bed.

Well today, due to some issues in the State’s case, the case of my client went to the jury who spent all of 15 minutes deciding what I had said about the case being bogus was true and releasing my client.

So now, texts have flown to sweetness a small sample follows:

DJ: Verdict is in, headed up now

sw: very cool, love you Mister

DJ: NG (Not Guilty)

sw: AWESOME, CONGRATS MISTER

DJ: Celebration at my place 😉

sw: lol, i live where you live Mister, kinda hard for me to miss it

DJ: Also hard when you will be in your cuffs from the moment you get home, already made arrangements for the little man. Tonight you are Mine and I intend to fully enjoy what’s Mine.

sw: *blushes* yes Sir

Yes my friends, to the victors, go the submissives. (Not at all to say if I had lost I wouldn’t have had my way, but there is just something about dominating an opponent that lends to bedroom Domination as well.)

 

 

Good idea, bad idea Part of the Loving a Lawyer Series

When I was growing up I enjoyed a show called Animaniacs, this show included smaller sub-cartoons. One of these featured a comical look at a non-descript man doing something with the good idea being a normal activity, and the bad idea normally being something absurd and causing this man pain of some kind. The collected works for those interested can be found here.

With that in mind I now present my own version that played out this morning

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Stating to your lawyer first thing that you are concerned about the views he has made public on social media and that the posts made you feel uncomfortable.

 

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Coming down and ambushing your lawyer with a verbal assault. As lawyers, we are trained to win arguments. EVERY ARGUMENT. The flight in our fight or flight response is suppressed if not eliminated when it comes to verbal or mental attacks. It is a re-learned behavior for us to learn to fight fair when we engage our loved ones in disputes outside of our professional lives. We are trained as lawyers to find the weaknesses in our opponent and attack those while trying to fluster or push the buttons of the opposing side. Presumably if you have a spouse you know where the buttons are, the red, the green, the nuclear meltdown. Attacking a lawyer who isn’t expecting a confontation creates a problem for the lawyer. No matter how good we are about fighting fair, we normally have a chance to prepare for the spousal non-professional fights. When we are confronted unexpectedly, we fight, and fight, and fight, until whatever challenged us is lying disemboweled before us on the floor, if only in imaginary form.

So remember, we as lawyers are working hard to try to be fair fighters when we have disputes in our private lives, it is hard for us to avoid pulling out all the barbs and daggers, it sometimes takes us a little time to shut the door to the armory of buttons, so approach us and express in as de-escalated a manner as possible a desire to discuss or confront an issue. Especially when we are preparing for the day, a difficult hearing, a trial, or something that will already have us with sharpened spears at hand.

A little less action a little more conversation baby- A loving your lawyer series

Yes, yes all you Elvis die hards, it is in fact a little less conversation, a little more action. But with us in the legal field, the opposite is the cry most often on the minds of our spouses and loved ones.

It is a fact that sometimes in strong marriages, one spouse just wants to sound out the other spouse. They may want advice, they may want a sympathetic ear, they may just want to hear aloud what they are thinking about.

Those who are blessed with lawyers, are blessed with someone who through three years of education and training along with however many years of practical application are fully formed efficient problem solving machines. We have learned to hear a problem, and then not just solve that problem, but to execute the fix as fully and time efficiently as possible. Your just wanting to talk be damned, we are going to fix the thing that we believe ails you.

My sweetness is a Disney nerd, and in the movie “Finding Nemo” there is a little crustacean who is driven to clean. An example is here. I too am like that with my sweetness, she tells me something that is bothering her and then ducks because my first inclination is to fix the problem for her with explicit directions for the things that I cannot do myself. But sometimes, she doesn’t want that, sometimes she needs to just let things be messy while she sorts another issue out. And in those moments I sometimes once I realize I am forcing her into a fix feel like this clip.

Now then, add in the inclinations of a Dominant personality, something that honestly most good attorneys have, and you have a perfect storm of a problem solver who cannot wait to put on the Superman cape and just fix.

So how does one approach this situation so that the attorney spouse isn’t put out, but also in a way that the non-attorney spouse feels their actual needs are met? I have found that if sweetness couches the issues by asking if I will listen to something so she can run it by me, that while I am internally making lists, charts, graphs, battle plans, drafting a militia, and already conquering her world, that I am able to sit and follow along until she is done. Then I inquire if she wishes to hear my thoughts. Sometimes sweetness does, and sometimes she indicates she would prefer to figure things out herself but thanks me for allowing her to vocalize the issue and that it helped to do so.

We attorneys are an intense breed, but with a little love and understanding of how we operate under the hood we aren’t that much different from humans.

Emerging from absence

Gone I have been, for far too long.

It wouldn’t be prudent to indicate all the many things that interjected into my posting here. All I can say is that I will try to get back to providing more regular postings and the like.

Be not afraid, I and sweetness haven’t hit a rough patch and while we are running busy, busy, busy, my little warrior submissive and I are going strong.

A shout-out to a new follower who has become active in my absence, shimmering rose.

30 Days of Kink- Day 29

Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (eg mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, Sir)? What is your opinion of these titles in general?

Mister, sweetness couldn’t find Sir in her but says Mister with the same level or respect as Sir was used in a previous dynamic and its her word and title so I am satisfied with it.

I believe that use of a title is an earned thing. Both for the submissive and Dominant. sweetness got her name, as my other submissive I have had got hers. I feel I have in both instances earned the titles of Mister and Sir that they used for me. My previous submissive asked me how she should address others and my feeling was that they should be addressed respectfully, but should not be given Sir because that was My title for her. I was her Sir noone else.